IFS Couples Therapy Consult Groups
How They Can Be Helpful to You

Consult groups for IFS/IFIO couples therapistscan  support you on the rich and challenging path of IFS couples therapy. They can help get you unstuck, get you clear, and they help you release your Self energy so you can use your IFS tools most effectively.

In 23 years of being an IFS Assistant Trainer and IFS/IFIO couples therapist and couples consult group leader, I have learned a lot about how couples consultation groups can help you. 

It starts with caretaking parts.

Are you aware of your caretaker parts? 

As we know from IFS therapy, all parts are good. We appreciate caretaker parts for their warmth and caring. But blended caretaker parts can keep going with feedback,  comments, and support long after they stop being useful to the person asking for support.  Blended caretaker parts may want to make sure someone is OK, and they might think we are not being nice if we don’t keep going. They may continue with caring comments when the person they are trying to help has already moved on.  Caretaker parts, when blended and separate from the guidance of Self energy, aren’t usually attuned to the person they are trying to help.  They can act out of habit or anxiety rather than connection. They can be protecting exiles who have sad beliefs about safety, trust,  or worthiness.

We ask people in couples consult group to be aware of their caretaker parts, and to notice the difference between blended and unblended caretaker parts.  It helps us pay attention to what’s really needed when we support someone, rather than automatically or even anxiously offering support and suggestions.

If we can help our caretaker parts feel valued and understand that unblending allows them to be more helpful, we can be more sensitive and skillful as we help each other – people can ask for what they want, and others will respect that and try to give what is needed.

Instead of spending 10 extra minutes offering kindness, sympathy, or “ that happened to me too”, when someone shares a vulnerable sense of struggle, we can pay attention to the person receiving the support and notice when they look satisfied or ready to move on.  We can ask:

Are you getting what you need? 

Do you need anything more? 

It’s more attuned and affirms the responsibility of  the person asking for help and the ones giving it.

One of the keys to successful couples consult groups is introducing and reminding everyone about the importance of unblending caretaker parts. Next  up: Intellectualizer parts in couples consult groups