Mona Barbera
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Giving Better Back
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Giving Better Back

Giving better back is the most important thing you can do to create a loving, vibrant relationship over the years.

When you are hurt or disappointed with your mate, don't argue, plead, leave in a huff, judge, threaten, or lecture. None of these work!

Instead, give better back than you feel you are getting.

Giving better back is not about sayng the nice thing or the thing your partner wants to hear - it's your truth with calm, connection, courage, and clarity. And if you can save a little space for curiosity about your mate - you may initiate an exciting, surprising dialogue of intimacy.

Giving better back is not just for your mate - it's for you! When you rise above negative interactions and maintain compassion and connection, it feels good inside you.

Giving better back helps you assess a relationship and decide whether to leave.

If you give better back over and over, and your mate does not become receptive, appreciative, and intimate with you - it might be time to leave. Only you can decide. But if you do leave, you can leave knowing you gave your best. You won't be carrying the heavy baggage of blame and guilt, and you'll be ready to go on with your life.

When there is:

Criticism, you can be curious
Agitation, you can be calm
Judgment, you can be compassionate
Anxiety, you can be confident
Fear, you can be courageous
Confusion, you can be clear
Distance, you can be connected
Repetition, you can be creative

Download the video on giving better back (projectiveredemption.exe).

Read an excerpt from the chapter on giving better back in "Bring Yourself to Love: How Couples Can Turn Disconnection into Intimacy."

Mona Barbara Photo Mona Barbera
Dr. Mona is a psychologist, couples therapist, couples workshop leader, speaker, and the author of Bring Yourself to Love: How Couples Can Turn Disconnection into Intimacy.
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