Mona Barbera
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30 Days to a Better Relationship

You have a mate you love, you want it to be the best relationship it can be – but things keep getting in the way.

Here’s the golden key to keeping your love vibrant and alive: If it’s intense it’s your own.

If you have an intensely unhappy reaction to your mate, it’s yours. It comes from you and you are the only one who can handle it.

Many of you already know this and are practicing it. You’ve found out the joy of taking responsibility for your own actions, and the beauty of the love that arises between you and your partner when you do this.

Many of you have benefited from the Internal Family Systems approach. You learned that you’re defensive, angry, or distancing reactions to your partner are your Firefighters, protecting your Exiles from further hurt.

You’ve learned that the best way to deal with your Firefighters is to acknowledge and love them. No longer do you have to avoid, judge, or fight your own reactions.

You’ve met the hurt little boys and girls that are being protected, and you’ve let them know you are there with them.

If some of this is new to you, or you’d like a refresher, there are two books on IFS and couples – “Bring Yourself to Love,” by Mona Barbera, and “You are the One You are Looking For,” by Richard Schwartz.

Now you can take it to a new level.

Take the 30 day challenge.

Many people will tell you the benefits of doing something steadily for 30 days. They say it’s a full lunar cycle, and it penetrates into your unconscious. They say it builds confidence in yourself, and that having an action plan helps you change effectively. The IFS approach says that if you do something regularly, every day, without fail, your parts will trust you more.

You’ve probably been told that you need to be positive to make change happen. Well, it’s sort of true – but how do you get positive?

Paradoxically, the best way to get positive is to look with compassion and love at what’s in the way. And that’s exactly what you will be doing in the 30 day challenge.

Are you ready? Here it is! It starts on this page so you can print it out and use the daily log pages.

Print the 30 Day Challenge worksheets now!


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Mona Barbara Photo Mona Barbera
Dr. Mona is a psychologist, couples therapist, couples workshop leader, speaker, and the author of Bring Yourself to Love: How Couples Can Turn Disconnection into Intimacy.
About Mona | Blog | Advice


Bring Yourself To Love Relationship Advice Book
This readable and engaging book uses vivid examples and exercises to help couples move from blaming, shaming, and distancing to staying calm, connected and curious.
Learn More | Buy Now


© 2009 Mona R. Barbera. All Rights Reserved.